Goodnight Moon
by Moonfoot
Summary: Remus J. Lupin is told that the lycanthropy he contracted a child will soon kill him. His final days.


Goodnight Moon by Moonfoot  
  
It was pouring outside, the kind of heavy rain that was apt to soak a straggler in seconds. Sirius stood in the downpour, staring up at him and grinning, shirt and jeans sticking to his musclar frame. Remus' nose just barely brushed the foggy window, moisture from his laughter obscuring his vision until he lifted a sleeve to wipe a circle clean. With trembling fingers Remus undid the latch and shoved the window open so that he could stick his head out, rain drops falling into his graying hair. Sirius sauntered to the window silently and stood on tiptoe to kiss his chin.  
  
They were in their 50's now, still young for wizards, and still happily together. The war with Voldemort had ended only a few years prior and shortly afterwards Remus had collapsed due to a heart attack. After extensive testing it had been revealed that the lycanthropy he'd contracted as a child was wearing on his body, and though his mind and outward appearances remained young his heart was in terrible shape. Just recently he'd been moved to a larger hospital, a place he'd been assured was better suited to deal with his ailments. Remus wasn't fooled, he could feel his body dying around him.  
  
He lowered his hands to touch Sirius' damp hair, fingering the dark strands and picking at a few silvering areas. They had demanded that Remus have no visitors today -- obviously the other man hadn't agreed with that verdict.  
  
Without words Remus began to lower himself out the window. Halfway through the process Sirius' hands grasped him tightly 'round the waist in order to help ease him down. Once his feet hit the ground Remus leaned heavily against the other man, hand pressed over his chest. His earlier observation had been correct, he was already soaked to the bone.  
  
"You okay?" Sirius asked, quirking a brow and frowning anxiously. Remus simply nodded, closing his eyes for a moment before he gathered the energy to speak again.  
  
"Just a little pain, it's been like this all day. They have me on some sort of pain killer, but apparently my system absorbs it almost immediately." Remus lifted his arm to show off the bruised area where the IV should have been (he'd yanked it out earlier).  
  
His lycanthropy had caused more problems than just his heart. Sure, he could drink alcohol and never get drunk, but that also meant that his body tended to process pain killers and medication too quickly for them to take effect. He was in almost constant pain from his joints and muscles (another result of his monthly shifts) and nothing he'd been given seemed to help.  
  
Sirius shuffled his feet and looked down guiltily. He'd tried to find a cure for Lupin when they'd first heard the diagnosis. There was nothing, and anything being developed now wouldn't come in time.  
  
"Doctor says. . Doctor says I won't make it to the next moon, and if I do the change will kill me." Sirius' head snapped up so that he could look at Remus; obviously he hadn't been given this information. He opened his mouth but the werewolf held up a hand to stop him. "I'm so tired Sirius. . . I can't sleep because I'm afraid I won't wake up. My body hurts and. . . I'm just so tired. I want to go home."  
  
Sirius nodded his head slowly, "I'll take you home then," he said slowly.  
  
It was Remus' turn to look shocked. "You know I can't leave. . . Doctor says tha--"  
  
Sirius cut him off angrily, "Who cares? You're going to die either way!" His voice choked a little and he was forced to look aside, anywhere but at Remus. "You might as well be able to do it there. . . where I can be with you."  
  
"But Sirius. . . I know. I know that you're right." Remus, for his part, was still having a hard time facing the reality of his situation. He still felt so young. His mind was still set on living another hundred years, but he could feel his body failing around him. It wasn't just his heart, other parts suffered as well. At first it had only been mildly embarrassing; bedtime trysts had become almost a chore and eventually forgotten altogether. But then things had started to hurt, and his sight and hearing threatened to give out completely at times.  
  
"Come on, you'll catch a cold if I don't get you indoors soon," Sirius murmured worriedly. Remus had to suppress a laugh. Surely a mild flu couldn't do much when he was already in such a miserable predicament. Of course, with his luck that'd be what killed him.  
  
"You're right, let's go home."  
  
He knew he'd said the right thing by the way Sirius' eyes lit up. He looked like a child told that he could take a particularly irresistible kitten home to keep.  
  
"A-All right," Sirius said, bending to kiss the soft spot in front of Lupin's ear. He then slid his lips along the slope of his jaw, hardly deterred by the little prickles left from a few missed shaves. "Let's go home."  
  
***  
  
Being home was a great deal of relief for Remus who immediately settled back into the easy routine that went with it. No nurses and doctors rattling down the halls with metal trays and no one poking him with needles that only served to aggravate him further and never provided relief.  
  
Relief was something he needed often these days. Though only a week had passed since he'd left the hospital, the pain had increased doubly. Several bitter-tasting potions were eventually requested from a certain Professor Snape, but they served little purpose other than to make Remus nauseous. He spent a lot of time feeling sick, in fact, and nearly stopped eating altogether. Though Sirius was patient and made sure to keep the food bland of both taste and texture Remus couldn't stomach even the most basic meals.  
  
His health was in a downward spiral and even Sirius ceased being optimistic. Today in particular proved to be a bad one and Sirius had a hard time pulling himself away from Remus' side to go perform a promised favor for Hogwarts' current headmaster (Dumbledore had been forced into retirement some years prior).  
  
By the time he returned the sun had set in a startling wash of colors that Lupin was able to watch from a window parallel his bed. Sirius entered their shared house as quietly as he could manage. In the off chance that Remus was sleeping he didn't want to wake him, but at the same time he itched to hurry and check on him.  
  
The sound of him tromping up the stairs shook Remus out of a reverie and upon his appearance Sirius was surprised to see the other man staring at him. The werewolf looked awful. He was emaciated and sallow from lack of nutrition and there were tight lines around his mouth and eyes from constant agony.  
  
"You're awake," Sirius whispered. His hand rested on the door frame, fingers pressing into the wood. It was hard to see his friend and lover like this, he could still remember clearly what he'd looked like as a teenager. Remus nodded his agreement then allowed his head to fall softly against his pillow. The movement made Sirius flinch.  
  
"Lay with me?" Lupin murmured as if in a daze. A part of Sirius wanted to refuse, to turn and run away, but he knew that he had to do it. If not for himself then for Remus. A few short steps took him to the bed and he crawled up onto it, settling at the other man's back like he had a million times. There was a moment where he wrestled with the covers before he sank beneath them, strong arms tightening against the smaller frame of his companion.  
  
Remus let out a short breath that was almost a sob and the arms tightened around him. "I'm so very tired, Sirius. So tired, but. . . but I can't sleep."  
  
Sirius' eyes closed and he swallowed air in an attempt to fight back tears. Of all the things he wanted to do right now crying was not among them. He had no desire to upset Remus, not when he sounded so frail, like the softest wind might break him. He began to sing to Remus in a broken voice, rocking him as his words steadily grew stronger.  
  
"I see the moon  
  
The moon sees me  
  
Under the shade of the old oak tree  
  
Please let the light that shines on me  
  
Shine on the one I love.  
  
"Over the mountains  
  
Over the sea  
  
Back where my heart is longing to be  
  
Please let the light that shines on me  
  
Shine on the one I love."  
  
Sometime during the lullaby Remus' eyes had drifted closed, and by the end he was completely silent. Sirius' hand swept over his chest and when he didn't feel it rise he lifted two fingers to the pulse point in his neck. A short sob escaped him when he found that this too was still.  
  
"Goodnight Moony, I love you," he whispered, lips pressed to the back of Remus' head. "And you won't have long to wait for me." A hand slid down beneath the covers, fumbling in his pocket. When it resurfaced he held a vial between pointer finger and thumb. He'd had to argue with Severus long and hard to get him to make it for him -- h'd said that it was for Remus in case the pain got to be too much, but he knew that the Professor didn't believe him. He uncorked it, taking only a minute to offer gentle kisses to the still-warm flesh of Remus' neck before he downed the concoction.  
  
Sleep began to set in minutes later and he didn't fight it. Not much longer afterwards his breath ceased as well. 


End file.
